A Matchmaker's Catalog for female lefties

Matchmaker, matchmaker MariaS Nunes;
Find me a guy, no Right guys please.
The guy I am dreaming of must have a springy bed;
and tomatoes meant for Sawah must pelt a cop instead.

Matchmaker, matchmaker MariaS Nunes;
Find me a guy before I go on a freaking fizz.
He should be well-trained in using the can
And be able to throw pies at Coulter Ann

Matchmaker, matchmaker MariaS Nunes;
Snap to it please, I need a man.
He might look a bit like Balbulican;
But must punch cutouts of a President.

Matchmaker, matchmaker MariaS Nunes;
Put me in a straitjacket quick

But the guy I want is the cooke;

Who takes a power tool to a Cheney book

Matchmaker, matchmaker MariaS Nunes

Get me a guy who looks like this --------------->

His brains might be on the leak;

But he should have wrecked  somebody.

Matchmaker, matchmaker MariaS Nunes;

I want a guy who looks like Brad Pitt.
His knuckles might be full of glass bits;
But my Medal of Honor will be his

Geez.... I could go on and on, but I will save you from my bad verse.... and let you just read this